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Ana Delgado
29 June 2011 @ 01:13 pm
 ... that I love Nichole Ritchie!
Her hair is fabulous!

I've seen before and after pictures of her side by side. In the fat one, she looked so unstylish and unhappy. In the skinny, she was positively glowing. 

Who cares how she got there? She's beautiful! Just leave her be!
Ana Delgado
29 June 2011 @ 11:42 am
I can't stop my eyes from bleeding. My tears run and crack the cement and paint I call my smile. Every breath feels like a lie, and every word a gut wound. This is the part I hate the most: the twisting of vowels, assuring that yes, I am fine, I am happy...

Life is funny sometimes. I wrote this for them and now it applies to you.
I loved you as much as a person can, perhaps more.
I gave and gave and gave.

You never appreciated it.
I was always wrong.

I hate your morally/intellectually superior attitude.
Yes, you stopped cussing me, threatening me, insulting me, showering me with constant sarcasm.
And your biggest fear came true.
Without your anger... you are nothing.
Night after night I lay next to you, as distant as the planets or that thing called pluto.
You don't know me at all.
You never will.
I smile and believe it most of the time.
The emptiness catches up to me late at night. 
So I choke down food to fill it. 
Current Mood: coldcold
Ana Delgado
29 June 2011 @ 11:33 am
Just went through my first lj... wow.
I played the part of the tormented lover so well.

I miss writing. I feel dry and inadequate.
I miss the passion.
I don't miss all the drama.
Not one bit.

I salvaged a few bits of prose and poetry not written elsewhere.

I may share them here. I am confident they won't be recognized.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Ana Delgado
29 June 2011 @ 10:43 am

"I'm the bomb.com"

I just love stupid cheesy humor.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Ana Delgado
29 June 2011 @ 09:57 am
I won't bore you with my stats, but I will say that yesterday was very bad
I have family that works with Frito Lay... and she sent home two boxes of chips.
They were sooo good... until four bags later.

I don't purge, although I've had the urge many times.
My face swells and I get blotches and  purple freckles.
Not cool.

I did find out that when you're deprived of sweets, something as simple as light yogurt will satisfy the craving. Fortunately there was only one serving so I couldn't pig out.
(this is where I almost confessed to my problem with cake... it's just too hard right now)
There are lots of things I could talk about: the stubborn puppy, the stubborn child, my second ever sale, our plans to rearrange the house... but what I wrote above depressed and disgusted me. 
I'm going to clean or work out or something.
Current Mood: blankblank
Ana Delgado
28 June 2011 @ 06:48 pm

Did I mention just how much I love food?

I love the colors, the smells, the taste...
I love to cook it.
I love to serve it.
I love to plan menus.
I love to garnish it.
I love to read about it.
I love to explore and create with it...

I actually registered for culinary school and was all set until they pulled the plug for my default loans.

I get a rush, an actual high reading recipes and learning about new foods.

I blame marriage for my depression and weight gain.
I used to be spontaneous and creative, joyful and so giving.
I would spend hours thinking of ways to surprise and please him.
Everyday was an adventure and yet...

I was impulsive.

My affections were often degraded.

So, I stopped.

No more exotic recipes.
No more dress up.
No more handmade gifts.

I stopped going to the park and coffee shop and meeting friends for lunch.
To save money, I began to fix boxed meals, mostly carbs.

Reading this now, I want to break down.
I want to point the finger and demand my youth back, my zeal.

Leaving wouldn't help.
I'd just carry the guilt of disobeying God by divorcing him.

As I decreased, I began to increase.

I want my life back.

Current Mood: numbnumb
Ana Delgado
28 June 2011 @ 12:36 pm
Curious about my lion? 
I thought you might be...

I am morbidly obese at 25 years old. Yes, 100 lbs overweight. 
It's disgusting.
And it's killing me.

My doc is considering blood pressured medication and sending me to an endocrinologist. 
I may be facing diabetes.
I have no one to blame but myself.
At one point in my life, I regularly attended 12 step meetings for alcohol and drug addiction. I was able to kick meth, alcohol and cigarettes. Now I'm going to beat food.
I plan on digging out my old literature and following a program to recover from fat.
There are other ongoing issues in my life that all boil down to one thing:
lack of discipline.
Today is 6/28/2011 and it's the beginning of my complete life renovation.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Ana Delgado
28 June 2011 @ 12:25 pm
 I had hoped to find more support here on lj. There are many, many blogs on my chosen topic but they're rarely updated and usually full of drama. Ahh, c'est la vie. 
Tags: ,
Current Mood: blahblah
Ana Delgado
27 June 2011 @ 12:00 am

My name is Ana Delgado and I'm new here.

I'm not terribly original or clever.

I just wanted to create a space of my own.

Somewhere to expand...
to explore...
to been seen...
and heard.

If you passed me on the street your eyes would skim over.

I am a statistic, the details I'll keep for now.

I want to be so much more...


anything but ordinary.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: FRNK Radio